no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
