a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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