im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't deserve a penis
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
