dude i'm inner monologue high
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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