We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
