i think i have two assholes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
