I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
