Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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