you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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