I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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