it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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