and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
