meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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