you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
