Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
