She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
