he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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