im holly from the hills drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
