I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
