i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize