i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
