9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
