I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
