Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize