I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
