her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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