batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
