His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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