Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
