I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
