...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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