You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
