Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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