one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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