I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
