you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
