Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
