He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
