I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
