Yo dont text me then not text me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
