there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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