I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
