Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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