what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
