do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize