Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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