Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
