He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
