Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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