God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
