I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
