It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
