I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
