can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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