Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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