So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
