Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
