Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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