Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
