the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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