You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
