if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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