at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
