Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
