I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
