I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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