Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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