just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
