he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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